Creating fulfilling, loving relationships
for singles and couples.

Posts Tagged ‘relationship coaching’

8 reasons why you should work with a Relationship Coach/Counsellor

Tuesday, January 31st, 2017


Have you been battling away, hoping things will get better in your relationship?

Are you already recognising that you need help to work things out?

Have you already considered relationship counselling, but it just doesn’t feel like the right fit you?

If any of these questions resonate with you then Relationship Coaching could be your answer.

Relationship Coaching is a powerful, supportive and empowering tool for creating the quality and depth of love in your relationship that you most desire.

Here are 8 reasons why you should consider Relationship Coaching:

1. You didn’t get a copy of ‘The Perfect Relationship Manual
While making connections and developing relationships comes naturally to most of us, there isn’t a step by step instruction manual to follow so we know exactly how to keep our most intimate relationships running smoothly, remaining positive, loving and fulfilling.
A Relationship Coach will help you uncover the intricacies of your relationship and it’s unique makeup, so that you gain more confidence about what it takes to keep things humming along nicely.

2. You believe your relationship is worth saving despite the bumps and bruises.

Even though you might be in a place that feels uncomfortable, difficult and exhausting, you know that there is still something special underneath all the clutter that has been piled on top of your relationship, and you want to uncover and treasure it.

A Relationship Coach will help you dismantle the clutter piece by piece so that you can begin to see the diamond underneath the rubble and start polishing it so it can shine again.

3. You are committed to improving your relationship
While your family, friends and wider community can support you in your lives together, the only two people that can make your relationship work are the two people in it. And nothing will change, while nothing changes, until you are ready to give your relationship the gift of effort and commitment and not settle for less than the best together.
A Relationship Coach will provide you new tools, promote new thinking and support you in new discoveries then encourage you to use these to improve and optimise your relationship.

4. You are willing to let go of all your old stuff
What happened in the past is done. While events may have shaped what you have today, moving forward is the only way to push away from what is and get to where you want to be. Dwelling in the past and recycling every wrong won’t give you anything more than more hurt, until you are ready to let go and step forward into the light of an amazing love together.
A Relationship Coach will hold your hand (literally if you need them to) so that you can take those first steps forward, and then the next and so on. Soon you will gain momentum and will move you quickly towards the love you most desire.

5. You are willing to be vulnerable and honest
The only way to really get what we want most from our relationships is to be vulnerable and honest with each other about what we want and need both for ourselves, and for our partner. Without total honesty and a willingness to open our hearts we close ourselves off to the richness of a deep and honest love that goes the distance.
A Relationship Coach will create a space for you so that you can take down the walls, drop the defences, lay yourself bare and let love in.

6. You are willing to be heard, listen and learn.
I believe our relationships are where we learn the most about ourselves. But over time, and through our challenges, we tend to shut off from each other, and often ourselves, to protect and preserve. But there is so much richness and learning to be had when we are heard, can listen and are willing to learn.
A Relationship Coach will provide you a safe space to be heard so that you can share what your heart wants to say and encourage you to listen so that you can learn to hear the reply from your partner’s heart.

7.You’re willing to grow, push your boundaries and make new choices.
We are where we are through what we know today. But when we know better, we can do better. Achieving ultimate love will require you to push beyond that which is holding you back now, expand your thinking, let go of limitations and make new choices that will give you more of what you want.
A Relationship Coach will share with you new perspectives, help you create new possibilities and encourage you to ask for and expect more from life and love.

8. You want to be true to yourself and live authentically
The best relationships allow you to be exactly who you are, just as you are in all your authenticity and trust that you will be received and accepted. There is no need to cloak yourself in falsehoods or personas. You are able to tell your truth, be vulnerable and make choices that are for your higher good.

A Relationship Coach will help you to identify exactly what it is you most want in your life, and how that will allow each of you to be true to yourselves, while also honouring your relationship and each other.

DO you need relationship help?
Contact Ann Jay for a FREE 15-minute phone consultation to discuss your situation and find out how I can help.
Call Ann Jay – 0212689842

Make your relationship a priority and your kids benefit..

Friday, May 27th, 2016


If there is one thing that can throw a curve ball into your relationship, its kids..

Don’t get me wrong, kids are a great blessing and a great source of fun and laughter..
With kids around the house, no matter what their ages are, life get more complicated and busy!

So regardless where you find yourself currently, if you work on making your relationship a priority, your kids, what ever age they will reap the benefits.

Here’s a few ideas that may help.
1. Steal moments together- If you kids are young, its often difficult to find time to connect. Take advantage of bed time routines. Make it priority to sit together and have short discussions after they go to bed. Look for moments throughout your day, you’ll likely find there are more opportunities than you thought.

2. Give up the TV and internet once a week. Try it for one day a week
It will be amazing to see the positive effect, just by making a commitment once a week to priorities your relationship.

3. Declutter. If you want to give your relationship a boost, de-clutter the master bedroom.. Nothing kills a romantic moment when you are making your way to the bed, to only trip over piles of books, magazines and clothes on the floor. Spend some time this week making it a romantic haven.. The rest of the house can wait!

4. Go on dates. Ask family, friends or a responsible teenager. It may take some planning, but its worth the investment
5. Family time. Having family time is a good way creating lasting bonds for your relationship and family.

Do you feel your life is so crazy and busy its effect your relationship?

Thursday, November 5th, 2015

busy mall 2If so, you’re not alone. I’ve observed recently in my Wellington counselling practice I’ve been working with many couples that say to me they are so busy they don’t have time for their relationship.

It seems crazy we live in a world now where spending quality time with your husband or partner seems to be such a luxury.

And if you don’t have a partner, the same applies to you when it comes to spending quality time with friends and family.

Read More…

Effective Communication in Marriage

Thursday, October 1st, 2015

couple chatting



Do you want a marriage that’s filled with passion, excitement and mutual respect?


The key to experiencing the type of marriage you’ve always dreamed about is effective communication.


At the foundation of every intimate relationship is communication. The greater the depth of communication, the stronger the bond is between you and your spouse.

Marriages survive and thrive when each person shares their thoughts and feelings on a regular basis. You develop trust in your relationship by sharing your heart and allowing yourself to become vulnerable.


You make that trust grow when you resolve to become person that makes your spouse feel safe to open up and be vulnerable as well.

Your marriage relationship can often cause complicated emotions within the both of you.


If you commit to seeing the other person’s point of view and creating an atmosphere of safety and open communication, however, you can experience a close marriage relationship even when life presents its biggest challenges.


These tips can help you communicate effectively with your spouse:

1. Above all, love each other. Decide that being loving is more important than being right.

If you’re willing to concede in a disagreement, you can diffuse many

angry situations without them escalating into a major confrontation.
• Notice the warning signs of an escalating discussion.

If you’re starting to raise your voice or say hurtful things to your partner, take a walk and cool off.

Instead of thinking about all the reasons the other person is wrong, examine the part you might have played in things getting to this level.
When you return, apologize for your part in the disagreement. Usually, both parties shoulder some part of the blame in an argument. Then, calmly express your feelings.


• Be careful to speak in terms of how things have affected you, instead of pointing fingers at the other person.


Think of the discussion as one you would have with a teammate that is trying to solve the problem, and not as an enemy that must be defeated at all costs.


2. Compromise. Many people think that compromise is an ugly word. However, learning to compromise is a valuable key to peace in your home and in your marriage relationship. Decide that you’ll seek a win-win solution in every situation.

When you face a disagreement, think about how both of you can get what you want and need.


• If you both give in a little, you show each other that you’re committed to the relationship above all else. You show your love for your partner in a tangible way when you sacrifice a little of what you want for the good of both of you.


3. Listen Effectively. Many disagreements are caused by a failure to listen attentively and empathetically to your partner. If you learn to listen effectively, your arguments will be shorter and your marriage will be a sweet fellowship of two people who love each other.

• When the other person is speaking, resist the temptation to interrupt.


Instead of thinking about what you’re going to say to counter your partner’s statements, pay close attention.



When your spouse is finished, repeat in your own words what was said. Say,
“What I hear you saying is… Is that what you’re saying?”


• This gives your spouse a chance to correct your understanding if you’ve misunderstood what was said. It also shows your partner that you care about solving the problem instead of simply winning the argument.



You’ll experience greater emotional intimacy and a quicker resolution that both of you can be happy with.

Strive to embrace difficult conversations as an opportunity to deepen your relationship and show your spouse how much you care.



Put yourself in your partner’s shoes, seek a solution that makes both of you happy, and let go of the need to be right.



If you do, you’ll experience a vibrant, exciting marriage relationship that survives the tough times and lasts a lifetime.

8 Tips to Create a More Loving Relationship

Thursday, September 24th, 2015

girl with flower

8 Tips to Create a More Loving Relationship

Your relationship with your partner has the potential to be the most fulfilling experience in your life. However, there are snags that can happen at every step of the way. No one ever said that relationships were easy!
The good news is that if you stay proactive, you can foster a loving relationship no  matter how many weeks or years you’ve been together. When you create a more loving
relationship, you make both you and your partner happy.

You won’t find much better than that!
Here are some tips for creating a more loving relationship:
1. Show your gratitude.

If you love your partner very much, than you’re obviously grateful for them.

However, you need to learn to express your inner feelings.

Your partner needs to know that you’re grateful.

It shouldn’t be something that goes unsaid.

You can show gratitude by being more open in your conversations or by taking loving
actions by buying gifts or suggesting ideas for quality time. Also, remember the words:
“Thank you!”
2. Incorporate more fun into the relationship.

You two may have separate ideas of what fun is, but try doing things together that you both enjoy. It doesn’t have to be anything big and extravagant, just try to find something simple, yet exciting.

The key is to do something where you both won’t know exactly what to expect. This
adds that “special spice” to the relationship and helps stave off boredom.
3. Go out of your way.

Yes, going out of your way for your partner may take some extra work, but it’ll be worth it!

Decide to make a grand gesture for your partner. Do this out of the blue and your partner will really see that you care.
For example, you could throw them a party or take care of something that you know
they don’t like doing.
4. Do activities they want to do.

By making the sacrifice  to do something you’re not all that interested in, it’ll make your partner feel loved and  honored. Of course, there’ll be interests you share, but make it a point to join in for  an activity they really enjoy more than you do.

If your partner has always wanted to go ballroom dancing  with you, perhaps it’s time to
bite the bullet and go through with it.
5. Keep their needs in mind.

As the years go by, it’s so easy to fall into patterns and restricted comfort zones, but you mustn’t forget about your partner’s needs.

If they enjoy an extra hug every once in awhile, go give them a hug.
If they like to talk about feelings and plans, sit with them and talk.
6. Say: “I love you” regularly.

It seems that you can never say these three simple words enough.

Say it, text it, email it, record it, show it. Do what you have to just to remind your partner of your true feelings.

This little phrase actually helps communication, lightens the mood, and fosters a more loving relationship for many years to come.
7. Listen actively.

While it’s important to express your own feelings, it’s also critical that you truly listen to your partner’s feelings. When you actively listen, you’ll begin to understand your partner in a new, deeper way.

They’ll also feel loved because they’ll see you being attentive and they’ll feel like their thoughts and feelings matter.
8. Support their ideas.

When you agree with your partner’s ideas, make sure that you fully support them in both words and actions.

This feeling of support will help your partner feel loved. When you don’t agree with your partner,  it’s still important to remain loving. Don’t shoot down your partner’s ideas or become overly critical. Accept what they’re saying and suggest alternative ideas if needed.
Follow these tips, encourage your partner to do the same, and you can’t help but have a
more joyous, loving relationship!

1 2 3