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Posts Tagged ‘relationship advice’

Make your relationship a priority and your kids benefit..

Friday, May 27th, 2016


If there is one thing that can throw a curve ball into your relationship, its kids..

Don’t get me wrong, kids are a great blessing and a great source of fun and laughter..
With kids around the house, no matter what their ages are, life get more complicated and busy!

So regardless where you find yourself currently, if you work on making your relationship a priority, your kids, what ever age they will reap the benefits.

Here’s a few ideas that may help.
1. Steal moments together- If you kids are young, its often difficult to find time to connect. Take advantage of bed time routines. Make it priority to sit together and have short discussions after they go to bed. Look for moments throughout your day, you’ll likely find there are more opportunities than you thought.

2. Give up the TV and internet once a week. Try it for one day a week
It will be amazing to see the positive effect, just by making a commitment once a week to priorities your relationship.

3. Declutter. If you want to give your relationship a boost, de-clutter the master bedroom.. Nothing kills a romantic moment when you are making your way to the bed, to only trip over piles of books, magazines and clothes on the floor. Spend some time this week making it a romantic haven.. The rest of the house can wait!

4. Go on dates. Ask family, friends or a responsible teenager. It may take some planning, but its worth the investment
5. Family time. Having family time is a good way creating lasting bonds for your relationship and family.

A growing trend that couples are just too tired for sex. How to revive your sex life.

Wednesday, May 25th, 2016

A growing trend that couples are just too tired for sex. How to revive your sex life. (2)

There is a growing trend that most couples in long term relationships are too tired for sex.

There are many reasons for this, including physical and emotional stress from our ever increasing busy schedules, leaving less relationship and family time and our insatiable desire to be connected with others via technology.

While it’s quite common to have a reduced frequency in sex after a few years of being in a long term relationship, sex continuously plays an important part in any relationship.

Sex is important on many levels because:

  • It increases your self-esteem and overall well-being
  • It re-establishes your relationship bond very time you have sex.
  • It helps you to feel safe and secure.
  • It’s a natural mood enhancer and antidepressant
  • It allows you to relax, open up and confidentially trust your partner.

How you revive your sex life with your partner

There’s no rule on how often couples should be having sex. It’s about talking and working out together what’s going work for you both and your lifestyle.

Some couples are fine with once a week, others once a month and others need more frequent intimacy.

John Gottman PHD, famous couple’s researcher says “every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay”, so if you can be more aware and develop this mind-set, then this may help you prepare the ground for more opportunities for sex.

  • Attempt to go to bed at the same time and get out of bed at the same time, so you’re on the same schedule.
  • If you can’t go to bed together, go tuck in the other partner in- this is a good opportunity to increase connection.
  • Leave the technology out of the bedroom.
  • Schedule non-sexual touching, cuddling and talk about what’s going on in your life.
  • Do positive things for your partner without asking, so there is more time for the two of you.

Even when life is so busy and demanding, it’s really important to plan in ‘connection time’. This very important connection time is often pre- cursor to having more sex, because it increases your connection and increases your sense of safety and care in the relationship.


If you feel you and your partner need help with your relationship, contact :Ann Jay  Relationship Wellbeing Specialist on 021 26 89 842 or email

  • FREE 15-minute phone consultation ..
  • Based in the Wellington area..


The Sex Starved Marriage

Tuesday, January 12th, 2016

Physical contact is a powerful way to convey positive emotion and nurture your partners spirit.. there is simply no better way to communicate: “You’re not alone”, ” You’re important”, “I’m sorry” or “I love you”.

Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW is an internationally renowned relationship expert, best-selling author, marriage therapist, and professional speaker. Among the first in her field to courageously speak out about the pitfalls of unnecessary divorce, Michele has been active in spearheading the now popular movement urging couples to make their marriages work and keep their families together.

If you feel you and your partner need help with your relationship, contact :Ann Jay  Relationship Wellbeing Specialist on 021 26 89 842 or email

  • FREE 15-minute phone consultation ..
  • Based in the Wellington area..




After being a couple’s counsellor for many years, this is what I have learnt about LOVE

Monday, October 19th, 2015


When I first started out as a couple’s counselor, I didn’t know how to help couples move out of emotional pain and start to make positive changes in their relationship.

But as the years went on, and I ‘learned on the job’, I discovered there were some profound lessons to learn about love from working with lots of couples.

Here are the 10 things that I’ve learned about love over the years:

  • No two couples are the same.
  • While no two couples are the same, most couples fall into fairly predictable patterns.
  • Attraction is totally unpredictable.
  • Relationships that start with a bang often end with a bigger bang.
  • There is no such thing as the perfect relationship.
  • Your partner can’t fulfill all your needs.
  • You have more than one soul mate (if you believe in that).
  • Changing your relationship is hard work, but worth it.
  • Relationships can be boring and ordinary at times, and that’s OK.
  • The sex can get even better in a long-term relationship.

If you feel you and your partner need help with your relationship, contact :Ann Jay  Relationship Wellbeing Specialist on 021 26 89 842 or email

  • FREE 15-minute phone consultation ..
  • Based in the Wellington area..


Nine tips for being yourself in a relationship

Saturday, October 17th, 2015



What you feel about yourself is what you show to others. When you like yourself, you radiate confidence and self-esteem. People who like themselves generally like their lives. This is very appealing. In social settings they will be the ones who easily attract others.

  1. Look for Contentment and Happiness in Your Own Being

    Find and cultivate at least one thing about yourself that you can take pride in. It could be a talent, a hobby, a skill you have mastered or a quality in your personality.

  2. If You Are a Single Parent, Focus on Your Children

    Too often, single moms and dads say they are a better parent when in a relationship. This way of thinking spells problems, not only for the person you are interested in, but for your children as well.

  3. Be Thankful for Alone Time

    Be grateful for the time you have for yourself outside a relationship. The universe loves gratitude.

  4. Catch Yourself at the First Signs of Attraction

    If you have already attracted a significant other and are in the beginning stages of the relationship, curb that eagerness to make that person the center of your existence. A relationship is just one area of your life, not your entire reason for living.

  5. Do Not Give Up Your Other Social Relationships and Activities

    Making time for friends and regular activities gives you perspective and levels the relationship field. Most men and women respect this in a potential partner. It frees them from the worry that they will be suffocated in the relationship; it also reveals this person’s stability. Question your potential partner’s dependability if he or she suddenly terminates friendships and usual activities just to spend more time with you. If he or she is more than willing to throw friends and interests under the bus, he or she might eventually do the same with you.

  6. If You Don’t Feel Like Answering a Call or Email, Don’t!

    At some point, even the most available people go through a period where they don’t feel like answering that phone call or email from their significant other right that minute. But they pick up the phone or jot off a reply anyway out of worry that their partner will respond negatively and end the relationship. Don’t buy into it! Honor your own feelings and needs.

  7. Respect Your Partner’s Personal Space

    Just because your significant other has to work overtime, wants to play golf on Saturday, or hang out with the girls does not mean he or she is losing interest. Being supportive of other life areas and pursuits allows your partner the freedom to be himself or herself. This consequently strengthens the relationship.

  8. Sometimes It Is What It Is

    Resist the temptation to read meaning into something that isn’t there. You can drive yourself nuts over analyzing everything your partner says or does. And even though love does not have a set timetable for growth, if you find yourself exhausted after years of investing in a relationship that hasn’t gone anywhere, chances are it will never go where you desire. It might be time to get out!

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