Creating fulfilling, loving relationships
for singles and couples.

Posts Tagged ‘dating’

Isn’t it time you put some fun and romance back into Valentine’s Day

Tuesday, February 14th, 2017



At some point, for most couples, date night goes from fun and exciting to “Um, what do you want to do?”

If you have busy jobs and families it’s even hard to make time for a date, and just planning it out may feel overwhelming. Valentine’s Day is upon us though, and it’s the only day in the year that actually celebrates coupling—embracing it is much more joyful than denying it.

Here are 12 ideas for a romantic (and fun) Valentine’s Day date.

1.Karaoke night…with wigs and sunglasses.

2.Get your favourite takeaway and have an evening picnic in a park.
3.Backyard bonfire, beers optional.

4.See a matinee movie (bonus points if you smuggle in your own chocolate).

5.A walk on the beach is a fine date—find your sweetie a seashell for a Valentine’s gift.

6.Take a scenic drive, bring along a cooler with beers and sandwiches—a reliably good time.

7.Stay in, turn off all technology, have a quiet candlelight dinner. See what happens in the dark.

8.Take a yoga class together, then while you’re extra flexible…

9.Visit a vineyard for a wine tasting. Bring home a bottle for your next date night.

10.Take a long walk–it’s simple but romantic and it’s a low-pressure activity where you both get to decompress.

11.Bowling is not considered romantic: make it so. Bring joy to a bowling alley.

12.Have a movie marathon.

Do you want a stronger relationship?

If you need help with starting or maintaining a relationship, contact Ann Jay for a FREE 15-minute phone consultation to discuss your situation and find out how we can help. Call now on 021 26 89 842

10 Signs of a Overeager Relationship Pleaser…

Wednesday, September 9th, 2015

young woman hiding her true emotions in the smile. concept photo

Who is a people pleaser?

An overeager people pleaser is a person who gives a lot of importance to pleasing others. And in the process, their main intention is to be liked and valued in return by the people they try to please.

A people pleaser is never a bad person.

They’re not really manipulative, nor are they cheaters. But in their keen pursuit of trying to please everyone around them.

Now everyone has a tinge of people pleasing in them.

Almost all of us try to please someone, in the hope of getting a favour back in return from them someday.

But for most of us, we know where to draw the line.

But a chronic pleaser has no gauge to where the boundaries of pleasing others should stop.

Think about these signs with an open mind, and ask yourself if you can relate to them.

  1. You always have a smile.You never get angry with your friends, colleagues or new relationship, even if they do something that’s extremely upsetting. Instead, you force all that rage within yourself in the form of implosive anger.
  2. The opinion of others.The opinion of other people matters a lot to you and your own decision making. You make your decisions based on other people’s desires. You ask all your friends to share their opinions with you, and you give more thought to what they say than what you believe is right.
  3. You crave for compliments.You’re very liberal with your compliments in the hope of getting a compliment back from your partner, friends and colleagues.
  4. You like attention all the time.You fear losing relationships, friendships and you care too much about being liked by everyone. And you can’t ever imagine being hated by others or being lonely.
  5. You hurt easily.You get hurt very easily when your partner or friends goes somewhere without involving you. You want to feel loved all the time, and you can’t stand it when someone thinks you’re not important in their life.
  6. The big sacrifices.You sacrifice your own happiness just to please someone else and win their approval, or to get a compliment from them.
  7. You can’t take criticism.A people pleaser will change their behaviour, but they will never accept that they’re flawed because it makes them lose their self-esteem even more.
  8. You’re a storyteller,even though you will never admit it. You’re not honest about who you are. You’re not honest to yourself about your own likes and dislikes. Your beliefs and values change all the time, just as long as they match that of your new relationship or friendships whom you’re trying to impress.
  9. You hate confrontation.You spend several sleepless nights over the smallest argument with a new relationship or friendship. And you do whatever it takes to make up for it, even if it’s not your fault. But you wouldn’t do the same for the people you’ve already taken for granted.
  10. You give too much too soon.And many a times, people take you for granted. You try too hard to please your new partner or friend, and you do whatever it takes to ensure that they have a good opinion about you. But almost always, these new partner or friends may end up using you and taking advantage of your niceness.

Although the intent of people-pleasing is to nurture love and connection, over the long term these behaviours can have a negative impact on friendships, loved ones and our relationship with them. Relationships become imbalanced, yet we remain powerless to change this because of a strong drive to avoid conflict.



6 Signs couples May need to see a Relationship Coach or Therapist

Wednesday, September 9th, 2015



couple for blog


How do you know if the difficulties you have in your relationship are becoming severe enough that you need to seek out the help of a Relationship Coach or therapist?

The 6 signs are:

  1. You’re frequently arguing  without any positive resolutions.


  1. You’re feeling disconnected from your partner, alone or shut down.


  1. You’re totally uninspired about your sex life.


  1. You frequently feel insecure, anxious or jealous.


  1. You feel scared to be vulnerable.


  1. You feel stuck with the past wounds from a previous relationship.

Why can’t I get attracted to anyone?

Wednesday, August 19th, 2015


You meet a lot of people, but there is never that spark or chemistry. They can look great on online dating site, even be quite attractive, but something is always missing.

You are not feeling the vibe…

You might find yourself in one of these three reasons below but if you don’t, it’s because this list isn’t exhaustive. Lots of people feel no attraction for lots of reasons, and it would be hard to list them all.

If you don’t recognise your situation here, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.



Yes, you are nominally single – but your heart isn’t. Everyone you meet, you are comparing them to that one special ex-partner and you feel you’ll never find anyone you’ll connect so much with.

You are sure they were the best ever match for you.

What happens here is you filter everyone through the ex-lens, and of course since nobody is exactly like them – nobody is good enough.

At the same time – because your heart is still taken – you are not really available for a serious relationship, and that’s why you keep meeting people who don’t make the cut. Anyone who is serious will simply not get attracted to you, because you are not sending them the right signals.


You are looking for that unbelievable moment when you see someone for the first time but you feel like you’ve known them all you re life. This happens frequently in movies, more seldom in real life. It’s certainly not the norm.

Strong chemistry is often – lust, not love. We just feel sexually attracted to someone and we incorrectly conclude that means we have found Mr or Miss right… The right match.

It happens more often when you put too much importance on looks, and too little on everything else. Most people grow out of it in their teenage or young adult years, because they start to see they need more than just sexual attraction for a good relationship.

You can fall in love gradually, it’s the same love, it can be as strong, even more so than the first-sight kind. It’s usually the more long-lasting kind.

When you fall in love over time, you get to know someone, and start loving them for who they really are, and then chemistry follows.

Your relationships may not start with fireworks, but they probably won’t fizzle out quickly like them either.


This is the main reason, it’s made up of one of more limiting beliefs you have. I had some of them during that time I wasn’t meeting anyone I could feel something more than friendship for.

I thought it was too hard to love me. I thought there wasn’t enough high-quality matches. I thought all the best men were taken. I thought there was something about me that drove men away. I thought all men are immature.

And so I got what I thought was out there for me: zero men who are grown up enough to get me captivated by them. Lots of immature boys who only wanted one thing.


LET ME HEAR THOUGHTS… comment below



After Divorce: 5 tips for reinventing the new you!

Wednesday, July 29th, 2015

Divorce wedding cake

Divorce wedding cake

It’s over. You’ve signed the divorce papers, and the relationship you entered with so much hope is officially dissolved.

Everyone’s divorce story is different:

  • Maybe you had been married for decades, maybe just a year or so.
  • Maybe you have children, maybe you don’t.
  • Maybe the divorce was your idea and maybe it was your partner’s.
  • Maybe you both agreed that separation was best.
  • Maybe you’re relieved, maybe you’re heartbroken or a bit of both.

But however you got here, the question now is where do you go from here?

And how do you figure out who you are and what you want as a newly single person?

What is your new life going to look like, and how do you start moving in that direction?


  1. Let yourself grieve

Nobody gets married thinking, “I sure hope we can get divorced someday!” Even if, by the time you split, the divorce was something you wanted, a divorce still represents a loss.

“You may feel sorrow for what you did or didn’t do, or wonder what you did wrong. Don’t dwell on those feelings, but make room for them, Loss is loss. There is an empty space where something once filled it up, even if that something may not have been anticipated.”


  1. Time to work through your feelings

Don’t carry that heavy baggage from your previous relationship into your new life. Find a way to work through the remaining emotions. That may mean talking out your feelings with a counsellor or focusing your energy in a healthy activity you enjoy. “It’s common to sweep these emotions under the carpet, but you have to work through them or they’ll get in the way of your life moving forward.

If you find yourself resisting the idea of counselling, you might want to keep in mind that counselling doesn’t mean you have a problem or that you’re in crisis. It can be a way to work towards a better life, with someone who has no agenda but YOU.


3.Learn to love yourself

That may sound cheesy and New Age-y. But the fact is that many people feel a lot of self-rejection after a divorce.

“You might think that there must be something wrong with you if you couldn’t make this relationship work.

You have to work on getting confidence and belief in yourself and ability to believe in your own worth.”

This is also something you could work on in counselling.


  1. Re-experience who you used to be:

Especially if you were married for a long time, you may have given up a lot of the things you enjoyed as a single person because they didn’t fit with your “couple hood.”

Maybe you loved to go out, but your spouse was a homebody. Maybe you always loved going to the theatre but your husband hated it.

“What were your hobbies and activities before the marriage? What did you defer in favour of the relationship?

Discover the new you!

The life-changing period of divorce, though often difficult and unwelcome, holds a silver lining: to shake things up and try on a new lifestyle.

Maybe it’s as simple as a new haircut after a lifetime of wearing long.

Maybe it’s trying a new sport or consider going back to college.

Maybe you realize that you’d like to move to a new city or even spend a year living overseas

Of course, you can’t just flit away and throw caution to the wind. Chances are, you have some very real considerations — kids (if you’re a parent), a job, and a budget (which may have been hurt by the divorce).

But chances also are that although you might not be able to do whatever your fantasy is, there may be other changes that ARE within your reach. So don’t reject the idea of any change, just because you can’t make every change.

“As long as the changes you make are healthy and constructive, these are very appropriate.