How to know when to end a relationship

Falling in love is easy, staying in love is a challenge, letting go is hard, and moving on is the hardest. – unknown Deciding to end a relationship can be an emotionally painful experience and rarely taken likely, especially if the couple has children or beloved pets to consider. However, staying in an unhealthy relationship…

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Creating a balance of power in a relationship

If you were asked to describe the balance of power in your relationship, do thoughts of “Lord and Master” or “She who must be obeyed” spring to mind? Or would you answer ours is a relationship of equality, my partner is the yin to my yang, and we work in harmony – always. If you…

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Creating a New Year resolution together

Congratulations, you survived the sometimes stressful yuletide holiday intact. I hope you have been able to take a day or two to recover from the temporary changes to your daily routines and associations. If not, I do hope you get to take a break soon to unwind and recharge before your usual commitments of work,…

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Resentment in a relationship – aka hurting you, hurting me.

In my practice, I primarily use Gottman’s relationship tools and talk therapy to help couples navigate the ups and downs of living a life in partnership. In particular, I use their metaphor of the four horse-riders of the apocalypse to describe the actions primarily responsible for the demise of a relationship. In Gottman’s parable, the…

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When depression affects your relationship – setting the course to recovery

We all have our bad days when our lives feel out of control, and you wonder what’s the point. In fact, a recent study by the New Zealand Mental Health Foundation revealed that in 2020, 25% of New Zealanders reported feeling like they had “poor levels of mental and emotional wellbeing”. If you are in a relationship, this feeling may be fleeting as your partner says or does something to let you know that you are not alone, and they are here to support you whilst you find your feet again.

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What is “The Gottman Method?”

When you think about couple’s counseling, does it involve the following scenarios? You spend sixty minutes talking about how it was great in the beginning but now [insert long list of complaints], while the therapist nods their head. They then suggest a weekly appointment for the next six months. Your partner spends the entire session…

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Practical steps to heal from an affair

Working through an affair is tough. It takes tremendous energy and vulnerability on both sides. Drs. John and Julie Gottman have developed the Trust Revival Method, with three defined stages of treatment: Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment. The effectiveness of this model is being studied in a randomized clinical trial. I’ve watched hundreds of couples try…

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6 Tips to Overcome Conflicts in Relationships and Grow Together.

    Handling conflict is one of the biggest challenges of achieving a healthy relationship. Balancing the power and respect for each other’s autonomy are things that will challenge us. It’s clear that relationship conflict happens because expectations aren’t being met. Each person comes into a relationship with their own expectations which are based from…

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