Creating fulfilling, loving relationships
for singles and couples.

Single! Here are 6 reasons you need to give Meetup.com a go.

Thursday, May 7th, 2015

Have you heard of Meetup.com?

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I love the whole concept behind Meetup, so I’ve been recommending it to my single clients as a way of meeting new people and cultivating new interests. And my clients are raving at it!

On their about page they describe themselves like this:

Meetup is the world’s largest network of local groups. Meetup makes it easy for anyone to organize a local group or find one of the thousands already meeting up face-to-face. More than 9,000 groups get together in local communities each day, each one with the goal of improving themselves or their communities.

Meetup’s mission is to revitalize local community and help people around the world self-organize. Meetup believes that people can change their personal world, or the whole world, by organizing themselves into groups that are powerful enough to make a difference. Here are the 6 main reasons why I’m recommending meetup.com to my single clients are:

1.       There so many meetup groups for almost any interest and they are in your local area.

2.       There are hundreds of meetup groups created for socializing, hobbies and activities.

3.       You can join as many groups as you like.

4.       You’re not joining a group of already established people. 5.       Its easy way of meeting a lot of new people in a short space of time.

6.       It’s an easy way of having fun whilst taking part in the groups

Check out the video below to learn more, or visit www.meetup.com

Five Tips on how to achieve and find the love you want.

Friday, May 1st, 2015

Look at your History
It’s helpful to look at our past. We start by looking at our current or recent relationships.

· Where are the stumbling block?

· If relationships keep ending, where did it go wrong?

· What are the themes, patterns that keep emerging?

· What ways might we be pushing or have pushed love away?

· What’s thoughts inspired these actions?

Once we start to know our patterns, we can trace them back to their roots.

· Were you rejected by parent or other role models in your childhood?

· Were put down in your family?

· Did you observe destructive interactions between your parents?

· Did you notice negative dynamics in their relationship that influenced how you now act in yours?

As we come to understand how are past informs our present, we can perform one the most beneficial acts to improving our love lives.

Stop, listening to your inner Gremlins

· Tune in and try to recognize that little Gremlin voice in your head telling old stories.

· “He doesn’t really love me” “ Don’t in too deep with him or he will hurt me” “ No one will be interested me”

· You’re too fat, ugly, not intelligent enough, awkward to have relationship..

Throughout our life’s, this” Gremlin” lures us away from finding love. So, being able to identify the Gremlin will help you stop seeing it as fact.

Challenge your defenses

It’s so easy to stay in our comfort zone which keeps us feeling unfulfilled and alone. We use our defenses to protect ourselves from the world.

Our defenses, no matter how comforting they are, they are not our friend. They keep us from what we desire, crave a loving relationship.

As we learn how defenses that served us in our childhood are harmful to us in the present, we can act against these automatic behaviors and, overtime, become who we want to be in our relationships.

Feel you’re Feelings- “Love makes us feel alive,”

Yes, love makes us feel. It awakens and deepens our happiness, passion and energy.

Also, it awakens our vulnerability to pain, fear of losing what we have. Love remind us of past failed relationships and hurts.

Caring deeply for another makes us feel more deeply in general. When these emotions arise, we should embrace them and be open to feeling them.

Be Vulnerable

So many of us fear of being vulnerable emotionally. We see it as a sign of weakness but it should be seen as a sign of strength.

We are told from early on in our lives that being vulnerable and being open to our feelings is not socially acceptable. “We need to toughen up, not to cry” and to keep it all together, no matter what.

Even the dating culture has its own rules around vulnerability- it goes like this…

· Don’t say you “I Love you” first.

· Don’t tell him how you feel.

· Don’t let him know how much you like him.

· Don’t you call him, let him call you.

It means ignoring the Gremlin in your head and acting on how you really feel. When you do this, you learn that you can survive, even when you get hurt. You’ll be able to live with more honesty and knowing that the authentic you is present, in a world that isn’t perfect!

Committing to these actions and investing in your relationships is journey of personal growth into becoming your own person.

5 Reasons most people get stuck from finding Love…

Thursday, April 23rd, 2015

This week’s Bachelor NZ we saw classic examples of how we get stuck from finding love we want..

Natalie from Pukekohe or Chrystal from Christchurch didn’t receive a rose last night from Arthur.

Their insecurities got best of them and they struggled to be themselves despite being attracted to Arthur.

Natalie’s awkward moments/defenses and Chrystals defensive attitude. Kept them both stuck from finding love.

Whether we know it or not, most of us are afraid of really being in love.

Our fears can manifest themselves in different ways and show up at any stage of a relationship.

Like Natalie and Crystal, we all have defenses that we believe at some level will protect us from being hurt.

They give a false sense of security, but they only keep us from finding the love we most desire.

So what drives our fears of intimacy?

What keeps us stuck from the love we want?
1. Love makes us feel vulnerable
New relationships are unknown terrain, and most of us have natural fear of the unknown. Allowing ourselves to fall in love means taking a risk.
With this risk comes putting your trust in another person, allowing them to affect you, making you feel exposed and vulnerable.

2. New love can bring up past hurts.
When we enter into a relationship, we are fully aware of how we’ve been affected by our past relationships.
The ways we were hurt in our previous relationships, starting from our childhood, have a strong influence on how we see the people we get close to as well as how we act in our romantic relationships.

Old, negative dynamics may make us cautious of opening ourselves up to someone new.

3. Love challenges old Self- believes
Many of us struggle with underlying feelings of being unlovable or feeling our own value and believing anyone really care for us. We all have a Gremlins called “critical inner voice” inside our heads that tells us we are worthless or undeserving of happiness. Our critical inner voice is developed from painful childhood experiences, attitudes, as well as feelings our parents had about themselves. So, when another person sees us differently from our inner voice, loving and appreciating us, this actually makes us feel uncomfortable and our defenses go up because our old believes about ourselves are being challenge.
4. Love brings up fears loss of love.
The old saying goes the more we have the more we have to lose. The more someone means to us, the more afraid we are of losing them.
When open ourselves to love then we not only facing our fear of losing our partner, but we become more aware of our mortality. Our life now holds more value and meaning, so the thought of losing it becomes more frightening.

5. With love comes pain.
When we fully experience true happiness and how precious life is on an emotional level, we can expect to feel some sadness. Many of us shy away from things that would make us happiest, because they also make us feel pain. We cannot numb ourselves to sadness without numbing ourselves to happiness. So, when it comes to falling in love, we hesitate to go “all in” for the fear of the hurt, pain & sadness it may create in us.

Relationship need trust or we have nothing!

Sunday, April 12th, 2015

How to set healthy boundaries in relationships

Tuesday, March 31st, 2015

One of the most important elements to creating a healthy, happy and fulfilling relationships is to master setting boundaries.
Here are the basic steps to set boundaries in your relationships:
1. Tune in and acknowledge your own feelings
2. Become more aware of how your boundaries have been crossed.
3. Recognise how you to set your boundary.
4. Get grounded
5. Voice it!
6. Self care.

 

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