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Archive for September, 2016

Why are relationships so hard? A TEDX Talk By Stan Tatkin

Friday, September 30th, 2016

If you have ever been a relationship you know they are hard. But what if it’s not you or them or sex, money or even who picks up the pant and socks off the floor.

What if there is a far more primitive reason?

In this talk, relationship expert Stan Tatkin explores why we fight from the perspective of neuroscience – and how to give your relationship a fighting chance.

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT).

He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, where he has specialised for the last 15 years in working with couples and individuals who wish to be in relationships.

He and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice

Check out his Tedx talk by watching the video below

Commitment Issues?

Thursday, September 8th, 2016

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People with commitment issues may agree to a long-term relationship at first and then begin to slowly retreat from the relationship months, weeks, or even days later.

Some individuals may move from one intense relationship to another with little understanding of what went wrong in previous relationships.

Others may not desire the emotional entanglement that typically occurs in an intimate relationship and may choose to avoid long-term relationships altogether.

Instead, they may decide to engage in “friends with benefits” relationships, short-term sexual partners, or one-night stands.

Possible Causes of Commitment Issues

Commitment issues might stem from a single traumatic event, early childhood stress, or a series of small events.

Factors that may play some part in an individual’s fear of commitment include:

  • Parents’divorce or marital problems
  • Fear of ending up in an unsatisfying relationship
  • Media portrayal of the misery of committed relationships
  • Damaging previous relationships that included infidelity, abuse, or abandonment.
  • Attachment issues
  • Difficulty trusting others

Some individuals confuse a person’s desire for a non-monogamous or polyamorous relationship with commitment issues, but it is quite possible for a person to commit to a long-term romantic partner in an open relationship and still engage in casual sexual encounters outside the relationship. Polyamorous relationships can exist in many forms, but they generally involve some level of commitment to multiple partners. Although some people who have commitment issues may also be polyamorous or prefer open relationships, one should not assume that all non-monogamous individuals have commitment issues.

Effects of Commitment Issues

Some individuals who fear commitment may desire a long-term romantic relationship, but as a consequence of their own fears, engage in self-sabotaging behaviour or end the relationship after a point for no real reason.

However, this can often lead to emotional suffering. An individual may feel as if it is impossible to have a successful relationship and develop feelings of worthlessness or depression.

The partner of a person who has commitment issues may find these issues difficult to understand, especially when the partner who has difficulty with commitment opens up, then pulls away.

This behaviour can be baffling and may have a damaging impact on the other partner’s emotional state, and it may lead to conflict in the relationship.

However, when a person is open and honest with a partner, in a serious relationship it may often be possible to work through commitment issues.

This can often lead to a stronger relationship, though the fear of commitment may still remain a recurring issue in the relationship.

Who can help…

A relationship expert/counsellor can often help an individual uncover potential causes of commitment issues and explore ways to work through these issues.

The support of a relationship expert/counsellor may be beneficial as a person attempts to decide on the best course of action within a relationship that is negatively impacted by one or both partners’ fear of commitment.

 

Do you need help you or your partner with commitment issues?

If the answer is yes, contact Ann Jay for a FREE 15- minute phone consultation to discuss your issue and find out how I can help. Call now on 021 26 89 842

 

 

 

 

 

Resource:

http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/commitment-issues