Do you feel your life is so crazy and busy its effect your relationship?

busy mall 2If so, you’re not alone. I’ve observed recently in my Wellington counselling practice I’ve been working with many couples that say to me they are so busy they don’t have time for their relationship.

It seems crazy we live in a world now where spending quality time with your husband or partner seems to be such a luxury.

And if you don’t have a partner, the same applies to you when it comes to spending quality time with friends and family.

There are many problems which affect our relationships and these included:

  • you don’t have time to catch up on what’s happening in each other’s lives
  • you’re not having fun and problem free time with each other
  • you feel like you’re living separate lives and feel like your drifting apart
  • your emotional intimacy and sex decline, leading to you feeling disconnected and isolated

 So…What to do if you’re too busy for your relationship

Clearly, if you can relate to any of the above, it’s time for essential intervention to stop your relationship from being or becoming such a low priority, that you start to wonder why you’re in a relationship!


Here are some practical tips you can put into place today:

  • Schedule in problem-free time. Problem-free time is when you book a specific time to spend with your partner and make a commitment not to speak about problems. No talking about work problems, relationship problems, family or children problems, or administrative issues. Problem-free time is a special time to look forward to because the whole purpose is to just enjoy each other’s company and have fun.
  • Schedule a regular date night – no excuses! The date night is a cliché but the truth is it works and it’s a great thing to look forward to in your relationship. Your date night can be a weekly or fortnightly booking that is rock solid and can’t be rescheduled for any reason at all. Like problem-free time, it’s an opportunity to enjoy each other and catch up on what’s going on in your lives.
  • Priorities relationship time on the weekend. I like the idea of booking longer periods of time to hang out on the weekend. Maybe it’s a few hours, a half day or perhaps an entire day. When you priorities relationship time, this means that you and your partner will hang out or do an activity that involves no one else – no friends, no family and no children (leave the smartphones at home too).
  • Plan your holidays in advance. Who doesn’t love looking forward to a holiday? Many people tell me that they get almost as much enjoyment from planning and booking a holiday as they do from actually being on the holiday! Even if you can’t take a holiday for 6 – 12 months, it can be a great relationship task to start planning that holiday now so you have something to look forward to together.
  • Find a hobby, sport or interest to pursue together. Many couples that say they feel separate and disconnected often don’t have any mutual hobbies, sports or interests they pursue together. Talk about finding something you can do together and create a shared experience that will be interesting or fun to both of you.
  • Call in favours from friends and family for babysitting duties. If you have children, you need to make sure you have babysitters on call so you can start to create some quality time together away from the children. Friends and family are often very happy to help out and if you don’t have any family in your city, make some efforts to find a very reliable and responsible teenager who can be on call to babysit when you need to get away and reconnect.

Don’t let this crazy busy life impact on your relationship!

The key here is to value your relationship as important (if not more important) as other priorities in your life. The benefits are enormous and have a positive impact on many aspects of your life and well being.


If you’re struggling in your relationship or want to learn how to start a relationship, speak to me about how I can help.


Book a FREE 15-minute phone consultation today.  Contact: Ann Jay 021 26 89 842   or


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If something in this blog has brought up some issues for you, book a free inquiry call with Ann Jay.

Ann Jay

Ann Jay is a Wellington Relationship Counselor who provides marriage counselling, couple's counselling, and relationship coaching for couples and women either in a relationship or single. Her goal is to help people create healthy, loving and fulfilling relationships and experience the love they deserve.