Nine tips for being yourself in a relationship



What you feel about yourself is what you show to others. When you like yourself, you radiate confidence and self-esteem. People who like themselves generally like their lives. This is very appealing. In social settings they will be the ones who easily attract others.

  1. Look for Contentment and Happiness in Your Own Being

    Find and cultivate at least one thing about yourself that you can take pride in. It could be a talent, a hobby, a skill you have mastered or a quality in your personality.

  2. If You Are a Single Parent, Focus on Your Children

    Too often, single moms and dads say they are a better parent when in a relationship. This way of thinking spells problems, not only for the person you are interested in, but for your children as well.

  3. Be Thankful for Alone Time

    Be grateful for the time you have for yourself outside a relationship. The universe loves gratitude.

  4. Catch Yourself at the First Signs of Attraction

    If you have already attracted a significant other and are in the beginning stages of the relationship, curb that eagerness to make that person the center of your existence. A relationship is just one area of your life, not your entire reason for living.

  5. Do Not Give Up Your Other Social Relationships and Activities

    Making time for friends and regular activities gives you perspective and levels the relationship field. Most men and women respect this in a potential partner. It frees them from the worry that they will be suffocated in the relationship; it also reveals this person’s stability. Question your potential partner’s dependability if he or she suddenly terminates friendships and usual activities just to spend more time with you. If he or she is more than willing to throw friends and interests under the bus, he or she might eventually do the same with you.

  6. If You Don’t Feel Like Answering a Call or Email, Don’t!

    At some point, even the most available people go through a period where they don’t feel like answering that phone call or email from their significant other right that minute. But they pick up the phone or jot off a reply anyway out of worry that their partner will respond negatively and end the relationship. Don’t buy into it! Honor your own feelings and needs.

  7. Respect Your Partner’s Personal Space

    Just because your significant other has to work overtime, wants to play golf on Saturday, or hang out with the girls does not mean he or she is losing interest. Being supportive of other life areas and pursuits allows your partner the freedom to be himself or herself. This consequently strengthens the relationship.

  8. Sometimes It Is What It Is

    Resist the temptation to read meaning into something that isn’t there. You can drive yourself nuts over analyzing everything your partner says or does. And even though love does not have a set timetable for growth, if you find yourself exhausted after years of investing in a relationship that hasn’t gone anywhere, chances are it will never go where you desire. It might be time to get out!


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Ann Jay

Ann Jay is a Wellington Relationship Counselor who provides marriage counselling, couple's counselling, and relationship coaching for couples and women either in a relationship or single. Her goal is to help people create healthy, loving and fulfilling relationships and experience the love they deserve.