Four Small Habits for a Happy Marriage

“A happy marriage has two people who love each other very much and are committed to bringing out the best in each other.” For instance, if your partner is struggling with an issue at work, you listen to them, talk about the situation and ask how you can support them, she said. “You basically have each other’s back.”

A happy marriage also has a climate of positive energy, which includes gratitude and appreciation.

Habits can either create or destroy this positive climate. “Most people might say that they don’t have any habits.” But everyone does. You just might not realize it. For instance, complaining to your partner about not taking out the rubbish bin or not preparing dinner can become a habitual complaint.

Other negative habits include criticism, contempt, sarcasm, eye-rolling and distancing behaviours. “The trick is to harness healthy daily habits as opposed to destructive habits to create a positive climate” in your marriage. And these habits don’t have to be grand gestures or big changes. These healthy habits as “very small, almost invisible, easy things to do” throughout the day. (Keeping it simple makes it achievable)

So here we go! Four small loving gestures/habits that you can fit into your day easily.

  1. Greet your partner lovingly in the morning. Yes, I know it’s hard not to grunt and head straight to the shower or the coffee machine. Instead greet them with a positive statement. It could be as simple as “Morning love you” The key is to be positive and loving… Then rush off to the shower or the coffee machine.
  2. Text sweet nothings or sweet somethings In this age of modern – day technology helps us to stay connected. So, use it to keep you connected throughout the day by sending your partner sweet, playful or flirtatious text.
  3. At the end of the day- Hug! After a busy day often we can unconsciously thoughtlessly focus on checking mail, email or criticizing, such as “Why didn’t you put the rubbish bin out?” Instead, get in the habit of giving your partner Hug when you get back in from the day. Hugging for 20 seconds is long enough for those bonding hormones, (oxytocin) to be released. Then ask “Why didn’t you cook dinner!” No, seriously, give it a try and you will see your connection with your partner strengthen.
  4. Focus on the things they do and Compliment partner  A lot of marriages, suffer from chronic under-appreciation. Resulting that the relationship becomes clouded by a sense of lack appreciation and taking each other for granted.

So, ladies use your super powers of observation and compliment your partner for one small act they did that day. “Thanks for bringing the washing”. “Thank you for putting your socks in the laundry basket”. After a while your partner will also return the compliments because they are feeling appreciated.

Not only does your partner feel appreciated but you start to train yourself to look for the good.  You become more focused on the things they do, not just what they don’t do”  Also, when you go on dates, complement each other’s appearance.

Some days you probably won’t feel like showing appreciation or being affectionate. You might be in a miserable mood or downright exhausted. But try it anyway.

“If you do a loving behaviour, you start to feel more loving.”

Also, keep in mind that time with your partner is precious. People don’t realize that their relationship can end because of a divorce or death.


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Ann Jay

Ann Jay is a Wellington Relationship Counselor who provides marriage counselling, couple's counselling, and relationship coaching for couples and women either in a relationship or single. Her goal is to help people create healthy, loving and fulfilling relationships and experience the love they deserve.