5 not-so-simple steps to finding love  

We all love a good shortcut….

Unfortunately – we have to invest time and effort to change ourselves and straighten out things in our lives, even when it’s other people who are responsible for causing the chaos in the first place. Same goes with love and relationships, there are no quick-fixes.

So – here are the 5 not-so-simple steps that are sure to make you find true love the very day you master them. I guarantee you it will happen the same day – even if you choose to lock yourself at home, turn off your phone, disconnect the internet and refuse to answer the doorbell – he or she will find the way to drop down your chimney. Even if you don’t have a chimney.


This will solve all of your problems, forever. There is no bigger magnet for love, success and happiness than a person who is totally happy and content in their own skin. And once you are, there is no way you can make a wrong choice or attract someone who will not adore you for all the right reasons, and vice versa.


This will come as a natural consequence of having met the first condition. If you are not there yet, just remember – there is always, always enough choice. You have the right to choose, and choose your partners well. Don’t let just anybody that close. Don’t waste your time on relationships that do just that – waste your time, drain your energy and make you feel miserable or bored. There will never be shortage of suitable people you can fall in love with, for there is never just one person in the whole world who will be right for you. When you realise this – you will save yourself a lot of complications, and free the time and space in your life to spend it with people you love, doing things you enjoy. And your single periods will feel like a well-deserved break and a fun holiday, instead of an undefined-length sentence in a prison of loneliness.


Again easier said than done, despite what all the enlightened people who’ve made it there say. It is extremely hard to fight off the internal need to blend in and belong, as well as exterior influences that tell you others will like you more if you are like them. But you have to be true to yourself if you want to have a chance for real happiness. And that is the hard part. Because some people will definitely fall off your life-wagon. But the ones who want you to be you will stay, and that includes the right partner too.


No matter how much you try and plan your wish list, or your check-list of desired partner qualities, you’ll never get it right. It will always differ from the ideal person for you, because we are rarely fully aware what is it and who is it who can make us happy. Trust the power of the universe, God, the force, or whatever supreme power you believe in – and desire just one thing: the person who will love you just the way you are, and match you in such a way that you are truly happy together And when you meet them, you’ll be amazed by how neatly they fit you, and how easy it is to love them, and be loved back by them. And yes, all the truly important requirements from your list will be there, for sure.


Oh, how many times have people told you: “Just relax, and everything will be fine!” It sounds so easy – just do it, let go of self-created, irrational pressure – but it never is. Once you manage it, though – you will see that making the most of your life while being single is the best you can do to attract the right partner as fast as you want it. In order to speed up the process, first you have to stop obsessing about the fact you are single while “everyone else” is with someone.

Easy, right? Not really. But it works! Think about it and make the first step. It will take some time and effort, but in the end – it is going to land you in a place where you will have a great partner when you want it, and be happily single when you don’t – and you won’t be worrying about either, because you’ll always be right there where you want to be.

LET ME HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS I’d love to hear your own ideas on what it takes to find love! Please share in the comments below – thank you.


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Ann Jay

Ann Jay is a Wellington Relationship Counselor who provides marriage counselling, couple's counselling, and relationship coaching for couples and women either in a relationship or single. Her goal is to help people create healthy, loving and fulfilling relationships and experience the love they deserve.