Creating fulfilling, loving relationships
for singles and couples.

Archive for the ‘marriage’ Category

8 reasons why you should work with a Relationship Coach/Counsellor

Tuesday, January 31st, 2017

 

Have you been battling away, hoping things will get better in your relationship?

Are you already recognising that you need help to work things out?

Have you already considered relationship counselling, but it just doesn’t feel like the right fit you?

If any of these questions resonate with you then Relationship Coaching could be your answer.

Relationship Coaching is a powerful, supportive and empowering tool for creating the quality and depth of love in your relationship that you most desire.

Here are 8 reasons why you should consider Relationship Coaching:

1. You didn’t get a copy of ‘The Perfect Relationship Manual
While making connections and developing relationships comes naturally to most of us, there isn’t a step by step instruction manual to follow so we know exactly how to keep our most intimate relationships running smoothly, remaining positive, loving and fulfilling.
A Relationship Coach will help you uncover the intricacies of your relationship and it’s unique makeup, so that you gain more confidence about what it takes to keep things humming along nicely.

2. You believe your relationship is worth saving despite the bumps and bruises.

Even though you might be in a place that feels uncomfortable, difficult and exhausting, you know that there is still something special underneath all the clutter that has been piled on top of your relationship, and you want to uncover and treasure it.

A Relationship Coach will help you dismantle the clutter piece by piece so that you can begin to see the diamond underneath the rubble and start polishing it so it can shine again.

3. You are committed to improving your relationship
While your family, friends and wider community can support you in your lives together, the only two people that can make your relationship work are the two people in it. And nothing will change, while nothing changes, until you are ready to give your relationship the gift of effort and commitment and not settle for less than the best together.
A Relationship Coach will provide you new tools, promote new thinking and support you in new discoveries then encourage you to use these to improve and optimise your relationship.

4. You are willing to let go of all your old stuff
What happened in the past is done. While events may have shaped what you have today, moving forward is the only way to push away from what is and get to where you want to be. Dwelling in the past and recycling every wrong won’t give you anything more than more hurt, until you are ready to let go and step forward into the light of an amazing love together.
A Relationship Coach will hold your hand (literally if you need them to) so that you can take those first steps forward, and then the next and so on. Soon you will gain momentum and will move you quickly towards the love you most desire.

5. You are willing to be vulnerable and honest
The only way to really get what we want most from our relationships is to be vulnerable and honest with each other about what we want and need both for ourselves, and for our partner. Without total honesty and a willingness to open our hearts we close ourselves off to the richness of a deep and honest love that goes the distance.
A Relationship Coach will create a space for you so that you can take down the walls, drop the defences, lay yourself bare and let love in.

6. You are willing to be heard, listen and learn.
I believe our relationships are where we learn the most about ourselves. But over time, and through our challenges, we tend to shut off from each other, and often ourselves, to protect and preserve. But there is so much richness and learning to be had when we are heard, can listen and are willing to learn.
A Relationship Coach will provide you a safe space to be heard so that you can share what your heart wants to say and encourage you to listen so that you can learn to hear the reply from your partner’s heart.

7.You’re willing to grow, push your boundaries and make new choices.
We are where we are through what we know today. But when we know better, we can do better. Achieving ultimate love will require you to push beyond that which is holding you back now, expand your thinking, let go of limitations and make new choices that will give you more of what you want.
A Relationship Coach will share with you new perspectives, help you create new possibilities and encourage you to ask for and expect more from life and love.

8. You want to be true to yourself and live authentically
The best relationships allow you to be exactly who you are, just as you are in all your authenticity and trust that you will be received and accepted. There is no need to cloak yourself in falsehoods or personas. You are able to tell your truth, be vulnerable and make choices that are for your higher good.

A Relationship Coach will help you to identify exactly what it is you most want in your life, and how that will allow each of you to be true to yourselves, while also honouring your relationship and each other.

DO you need relationship help?
Contact Ann Jay for a FREE 15-minute phone consultation to discuss your situation and find out how I can help.
Call Ann Jay – 0212689842

Why are relationships so hard? A TEDX Talk By Stan Tatkin

Friday, September 30th, 2016

If you have ever been a relationship you know they are hard. But what if it’s not you or them or sex, money or even who picks up the pant and socks off the floor.

What if there is a far more primitive reason?

In this talk, relationship expert Stan Tatkin explores why we fight from the perspective of neuroscience – and how to give your relationship a fighting chance.

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT).

He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, where he has specialised for the last 15 years in working with couples and individuals who wish to be in relationships.

He and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice

Check out his Tedx talk by watching the video below

Commitment Issues?

Thursday, September 8th, 2016

commitmentissues3

 

 

People with commitment issues may agree to a long-term relationship at first and then begin to slowly retreat from the relationship months, weeks, or even days later.

Some individuals may move from one intense relationship to another with little understanding of what went wrong in previous relationships.

Others may not desire the emotional entanglement that typically occurs in an intimate relationship and may choose to avoid long-term relationships altogether.

Instead, they may decide to engage in “friends with benefits” relationships, short-term sexual partners, or one-night stands.

Possible Causes of Commitment Issues

Commitment issues might stem from a single traumatic event, early childhood stress, or a series of small events.

Factors that may play some part in an individual’s fear of commitment include:

  • Parents’divorce or marital problems
  • Fear of ending up in an unsatisfying relationship
  • Media portrayal of the misery of committed relationships
  • Damaging previous relationships that included infidelity, abuse, or abandonment.
  • Attachment issues
  • Difficulty trusting others

Some individuals confuse a person’s desire for a non-monogamous or polyamorous relationship with commitment issues, but it is quite possible for a person to commit to a long-term romantic partner in an open relationship and still engage in casual sexual encounters outside the relationship. Polyamorous relationships can exist in many forms, but they generally involve some level of commitment to multiple partners. Although some people who have commitment issues may also be polyamorous or prefer open relationships, one should not assume that all non-monogamous individuals have commitment issues.

Effects of Commitment Issues

Some individuals who fear commitment may desire a long-term romantic relationship, but as a consequence of their own fears, engage in self-sabotaging behaviour or end the relationship after a point for no real reason.

However, this can often lead to emotional suffering. An individual may feel as if it is impossible to have a successful relationship and develop feelings of worthlessness or depression.

The partner of a person who has commitment issues may find these issues difficult to understand, especially when the partner who has difficulty with commitment opens up, then pulls away.

This behaviour can be baffling and may have a damaging impact on the other partner’s emotional state, and it may lead to conflict in the relationship.

However, when a person is open and honest with a partner, in a serious relationship it may often be possible to work through commitment issues.

This can often lead to a stronger relationship, though the fear of commitment may still remain a recurring issue in the relationship.

Who can help…

A relationship expert/counsellor can often help an individual uncover potential causes of commitment issues and explore ways to work through these issues.

The support of a relationship expert/counsellor may be beneficial as a person attempts to decide on the best course of action within a relationship that is negatively impacted by one or both partners’ fear of commitment.

 

Do you need help you or your partner with commitment issues?

If the answer is yes, contact Ann Jay for a FREE 15- minute phone consultation to discuss your issue and find out how I can help. Call now on 021 26 89 842

 

 

 

 

 

Resource:

http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/commitment-issues

 

Why couples fight about money?.. Here are the 8 common reasons..

Tuesday, August 9th, 2016

 

 

A_couples_therapist_reveals_why-7aced786c40f0366ab4c0054e0f0ceb6

As we all know that many of the big issues in relationships are housework, sex, kids, and money.

So here’s an interesting infographic that shows you eight eye-opening findings of money and relationships.

Secret spending, secret bank accounts, differences in approaches to saving and spending habits are some of the biggest deal breakers when it comes to money and relationships.

The infographic below is based on data from the U.S., though it’s likely they statistics are fairly similar in most western countries.

Check out the infographic below.

Can you relate to any of these findings in your relationship?

8 Eye Opening Findings About Money & Relationships

  1. Finances are the leading cause of relationship stress
    35% of people experiencing stress in their relationship said money was the cause of tension. Annoying habits came in second at 25%. (SunTrust Bank survey)
  2. Spending & saving is in the eye of the beholder
    34% of individuals that were part of a couple said they were the savers and their partner was the spender. Only 13% said the reverse. 47% of respondents said they and their partner had different spending habits. (SunTrust Bank survey)
  3. No need for consultation
    35% said they do not consult with their partner about large purchases. (SunTrust Bank survey)
  4. Hide money rather than argue about it
    One in five Americans say they have spent $500 or more and not told their partner.(CreditCard.com poll)
  5. Keeping secrets
    6% of Americans maintain secret accounts or credit cards. (CreditCard.com poll)
  6. Savers are sexy
    55% believe a strong budgeting and saving strategy was the most appealing money-related quality when considering a relationship partner. (Ally Bank survey)
  7. Birds of a feather flock together
    75% say it’s moderately to highly important to find a partner that has a similar approach to money and budgeting. (Ally Bank survey)
  8. Bad spending habits lead to fights
    One third of respondents said that their money related fights were because of spending, rather than saving habits. (Ally Bank survey)

References

https://www.suntrust.com/
http://www.cnbc.com/2015/02/04/money-is-the-leading-cause-of-stress-in-relationships.html
http://www.creditcards.com/credit-card-news/financial-infidelity-poll.php
https://www.ally.com/

Do you need help with resolving arugments about money in your relationship?

If your answer is yes, contact Ann Jay on  021 26 89 842

6 Tips to Overcome Conflicts in Relationships and Grow Together.

Saturday, June 18th, 2016

 

man-couple-people-woman

 

Handling conflict is one of the biggest challenges of achieving a healthy relationship.

Balancing the power and respect for each other’s autonomy are things that will challenge us.

It’s clear that relationship conflict happens because expectations aren’t being met. Each person comes into a relationship with their own expectations which are based from past experiences, childhood or just how you think things should be.

If we haven’t seen conflict handled very well in your own parent’s relationship, then we may panic and regress into a patterns learnt in childhood.

Conflict can drive a couple apart, so unless a couple has in place some simple tools to negotiate with then, they inclined to revert to childhood ways of relating.

Instead of seeing conflict as a threat to a relationship, what if we reframed this and saw conflict as an opportunity for relationship growth.

So, this requires understanding that conflict will certainly happen in a close relationship.

How do we focus on handling conflict in a way that is more productive?

  1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Remember not to make every little molehill a mountain, unless it’s truly important.

 

  1. Practice Acceptance

If you find yourself in the midst of a conflict, try to remember that your partner is        coming into the situation with a different perspective due their background and past  experiences.

 

  1. Focus on the behaviour of your partner and not their personal characteristics

Personal attacks are more damaging and long lasting. Talk about what behaviour upset     you.

 

  1. Find out what you partner meant by their action, instead of what you perceived their action to mean. Nine times out of ten, your partner is not deliberately trying to hurt you, and getting hurt happened to be the result of their actions.

 

  1. Accept you partners response.

When you have shared your feeling as to what your partner’s actions meant to you,      accept their response.

 

  1. Let it go! Leave it in the past.

Once you’ve both had the opportunity to share your side, agree to let it go.

Conflict can be upsetting but seeing it as an opportunity to grow, nurture your relationship, it can help you become closer and deeply connect your relationship.

If you would like to talk about some of your relationship challenges then please-Call on 021 26 89 842 for a free 15 minute phone consultation.