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10 Signs of a Overeager Relationship Pleaser…

Wednesday, September 9th, 2015
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young woman hiding her true emotions in the smile. concept photo

Who is a people pleaser?

An overeager people pleaser is a person who gives a lot of importance to pleasing others. And in the process, their main intention is to be liked and valued in return by the people they try to please.

A people pleaser is never a bad person.

They’re not really manipulative, nor are they cheaters. But in their keen pursuit of trying to please everyone around them.

Now everyone has a tinge of people pleasing in them.

Almost all of us try to please someone, in the hope of getting a favour back in return from them someday.

But for most of us, we know where to draw the line.

But a chronic pleaser has no gauge to where the boundaries of pleasing others should stop.

Think about these signs with an open mind, and ask yourself if you can relate to them.

  1. You always have a smile.You never get angry with your friends, colleagues or new relationship, even if they do something that’s extremely upsetting. Instead, you force all that rage within yourself in the form of implosive anger.
  2. The opinion of others.The opinion of other people matters a lot to you and your own decision making. You make your decisions based on other people’s desires. You ask all your friends to share their opinions with you, and you give more thought to what they say than what you believe is right.
  3. You crave for compliments.You’re very liberal with your compliments in the hope of getting a compliment back from your partner, friends and colleagues.
  4. You like attention all the time.You fear losing relationships, friendships and you care too much about being liked by everyone. And you can’t ever imagine being hated by others or being lonely.
  5. You hurt easily.You get hurt very easily when your partner or friends goes somewhere without involving you. You want to feel loved all the time, and you can’t stand it when someone thinks you’re not important in their life.
  6. The big sacrifices.You sacrifice your own happiness just to please someone else and win their approval, or to get a compliment from them.
  7. You can’t take criticism.A people pleaser will change their behaviour, but they will never accept that they’re flawed because it makes them lose their self-esteem even more.
  8. You’re a storyteller,even though you will never admit it. You’re not honest about who you are. You’re not honest to yourself about your own likes and dislikes. Your beliefs and values change all the time, just as long as they match that of your new relationship or friendships whom you’re trying to impress.
  9. You hate confrontation.You spend several sleepless nights over the smallest argument with a new relationship or friendship. And you do whatever it takes to make up for it, even if it’s not your fault. But you wouldn’t do the same for the people you’ve already taken for granted.
  10. You give too much too soon.And many a times, people take you for granted. You try too hard to please your new partner or friend, and you do whatever it takes to ensure that they have a good opinion about you. But almost always, these new partner or friends may end up using you and taking advantage of your niceness.

Although the intent of people-pleasing is to nurture love and connection, over the long term these behaviours can have a negative impact on friendships, loved ones and our relationship with them. Relationships become imbalanced, yet we remain powerless to change this because of a strong drive to avoid conflict.

 

 

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Published on Wednesday, September 9th, 2015, under Relationship Advice

About the Author

Ann Jay is a Wellington Relationship Counselor who provides marriage counselling, couple's counselling, and relationship coaching for couples and women either in a relationship or single. Her goal is to help people create healthy, loving and fulfilling relationships and experience the love they deserve.

One Response to “10 Signs of a Overeager Relationship Pleaser…”

  1. Ann Jay says:

    Hi Sandra
    Thank you for kind suggestion, I will take look at the link you sent me.

    Ann

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