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Why can’t I get attracted to anyone?

Wednesday, August 19th, 2015
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You meet a lot of people, but there is never that spark or chemistry. They can look great on online dating site, even be quite attractive, but something is always missing.

You are not feeling the vibe…

You might find yourself in one of these three reasons below but if you don’t, it’s because this list isn’t exhaustive. Lots of people feel no attraction for lots of reasons, and it would be hard to list them all.

If you don’t recognise your situation here, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.

 

ARE YOU STILL IN LOVE WITH YOUR EX

Yes, you are nominally single – but your heart isn’t. Everyone you meet, you are comparing them to that one special ex-partner and you feel you’ll never find anyone you’ll connect so much with.

You are sure they were the best ever match for you.

What happens here is you filter everyone through the ex-lens, and of course since nobody is exactly like them – nobody is good enough.

At the same time – because your heart is still taken – you are not really available for a serious relationship, and that’s why you keep meeting people who don’t make the cut. Anyone who is serious will simply not get attracted to you, because you are not sending them the right signals.

THINKING LOVE ONLY HAPPENS AT FIRST SIGHT

You are looking for that unbelievable moment when you see someone for the first time but you feel like you’ve known them all you re life. This happens frequently in movies, more seldom in real life. It’s certainly not the norm.

Strong chemistry is often – lust, not love. We just feel sexually attracted to someone and we incorrectly conclude that means we have found Mr or Miss right… The right match.

It happens more often when you put too much importance on looks, and too little on everything else. Most people grow out of it in their teenage or young adult years, because they start to see they need more than just sexual attraction for a good relationship.

You can fall in love gradually, it’s the same love, it can be as strong, even more so than the first-sight kind. It’s usually the more long-lasting kind.

When you fall in love over time, you get to know someone, and start loving them for who they really are, and then chemistry follows.

Your relationships may not start with fireworks, but they probably won’t fizzle out quickly like them either.

YOU DON’T BELIEVE YOU CAN FIND A GOOD MATCH

This is the main reason, it’s made up of one of more limiting beliefs you have. I had some of them during that time I wasn’t meeting anyone I could feel something more than friendship for.

I thought it was too hard to love me. I thought there wasn’t enough high-quality matches. I thought all the best men were taken. I thought there was something about me that drove men away. I thought all men are immature.

And so I got what I thought was out there for me: zero men who are grown up enough to get me captivated by them. Lots of immature boys who only wanted one thing.

 

LET ME HEAR THOUGHTS… comment below

 

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Published on Wednesday, August 19th, 2015, under Relationship Advice

About the Author

Ann Jay is a Wellington Relationship Counselor who provides marriage counselling, couple's counselling, and relationship coaching for couples and women either in a relationship or single. Her goal is to help people create healthy, loving and fulfilling relationships and experience the love they deserve.

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