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Archive for June, 2015

Four Small Habits for a Happy Marriage

Thursday, June 25th, 2015

“A happy marriage has two people who love each other very much and are committed to bringing out the best in each other.” For instance, if your partner is struggling with an issue at work, you listen to them, talk about the situation and ask how you can support them, she said. “You basically have each other’s back.”

A happy marriage also has a climate of positive energy, which includes gratitude and appreciation.

Habits can either create or destroy this positive climate. “Most people might say that they don’t have any habits.” But everyone does. You just might not realize it. For instance, complaining to your partner about not taking out the rubbish bin or not preparing dinner can become a habitual complaint.

Other negative habits include criticism, contempt, sarcasm, eye-rolling and distancing behaviours. “The trick is to harness healthy daily habits as opposed to destructive habits to create a positive climate” in your marriage. And these habits don’t have to be grand gestures or big changes. These healthy habits as “very small, almost invisible, easy things to do” throughout the day. (Keeping it simple makes it achievable)

So here we go! Four small loving gestures/habits that you can fit into your day easily.

  1. Greet your partner lovingly in the morning. Yes, I know it’s hard not to grunt and head straight to the shower or the coffee machine. Instead greet them with a positive statement. It could be as simple as “Morning love you” The key is to be positive and loving… Then rush off to the shower or the coffee machine.
  2. Text sweet nothings or sweet somethings In this age of modern – day technology helps us to stay connected. So, use it to keep you connected throughout the day by sending your partner sweet, playful or flirtatious text.
  3. At the end of the day- Hug! After a busy day often we can unconsciously thoughtlessly focus on checking mail, email or criticizing, such as “Why didn’t you put the rubbish bin out?” Instead, get in the habit of giving your partner Hug when you get back in from the day. Hugging for 20 seconds is long enough for those bonding hormones, (oxytocin) to be released. Then ask “Why didn’t you cook dinner!” No, seriously, give it a try and you will see your connection with your partner strengthen.
  4. Focus on the things they do and Compliment partner  A lot of marriages, suffer from chronic under-appreciation. Resulting that the relationship becomes clouded by a sense of lack appreciation and taking each other for granted.

So, ladies use your super powers of observation and compliment your partner for one small act they did that day. “Thanks for bringing the washing”. “Thank you for putting your socks in the laundry basket”. After a while your partner will also return the compliments because they are feeling appreciated.

Not only does your partner feel appreciated but you start to train yourself to look for the good.  You become more focused on the things they do, not just what they don’t do”  Also, when you go on dates, complement each other’s appearance.

Some days you probably won’t feel like showing appreciation or being affectionate. You might be in a miserable mood or downright exhausted. But try it anyway.

“If you do a loving behaviour, you start to feel more loving.”

Also, keep in mind that time with your partner is precious. People don’t realize that their relationship can end because of a divorce or death.

5 not-so-simple steps to finding love  

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2015

We all love a good shortcut….

Unfortunately – we have to invest time and effort to change ourselves and straighten out things in our lives, even when it’s other people who are responsible for causing the chaos in the first place. Same goes with love and relationships, there are no quick-fixes.

So – here are the 5 not-so-simple steps that are sure to make you find true love the very day you master them. I guarantee you it will happen the same day – even if you choose to lock yourself at home, turn off your phone, disconnect the internet and refuse to answer the doorbell – he or she will find the way to drop down your chimney. Even if you don’t have a chimney.

1 – LOVE THY SELF

This will solve all of your problems, forever. There is no bigger magnet for love, success and happiness than a person who is totally happy and content in their own skin. And once you are, there is no way you can make a wrong choice or attract someone who will not adore you for all the right reasons, and vice versa.

2 – DON’T SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST

This will come as a natural consequence of having met the first condition. If you are not there yet, just remember – there is always, always enough choice. You have the right to choose, and choose your partners well. Don’t let just anybody that close. Don’t waste your time on relationships that do just that – waste your time, drain your energy and make you feel miserable or bored. There will never be shortage of suitable people you can fall in love with, for there is never just one person in the whole world who will be right for you. When you realise this – you will save yourself a lot of complications, and free the time and space in your life to spend it with people you love, doing things you enjoy. And your single periods will feel like a well-deserved break and a fun holiday, instead of an undefined-length sentence in a prison of loneliness.

3 – BE THE TRUE YOU

Again easier said than done, despite what all the enlightened people who’ve made it there say. It is extremely hard to fight off the internal need to blend in and belong, as well as exterior influences that tell you others will like you more if you are like them. But you have to be true to yourself if you want to have a chance for real happiness. And that is the hard part. Because some people will definitely fall off your life-wagon. But the ones who want you to be you will stay, and that includes the right partner too.

4 – KICK THE LIST

No matter how much you try and plan your wish list, or your check-list of desired partner qualities, you’ll never get it right. It will always differ from the ideal person for you, because we are rarely fully aware what is it and who is it who can make us happy. Trust the power of the universe, God, the force, or whatever supreme power you believe in – and desire just one thing: the person who will love you just the way you are, and match you in such a way that you are truly happy together And when you meet them, you’ll be amazed by how neatly they fit you, and how easy it is to love them, and be loved back by them. And yes, all the truly important requirements from your list will be there, for sure.

5 –CHILLAX & ENJOY

Oh, how many times have people told you: “Just relax, and everything will be fine!” It sounds so easy – just do it, let go of self-created, irrational pressure – but it never is. Once you manage it, though – you will see that making the most of your life while being single is the best you can do to attract the right partner as fast as you want it. In order to speed up the process, first you have to stop obsessing about the fact you are single while “everyone else” is with someone.

Easy, right? Not really. But it works! Think about it and make the first step. It will take some time and effort, but in the end – it is going to land you in a place where you will have a great partner when you want it, and be happily single when you don’t – and you won’t be worrying about either, because you’ll always be right there where you want to be.

LET ME HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS I’d love to hear your own ideas on what it takes to find love! Please share in the comments below – thank you.